posted by @HeyItsKamo

Happy Halloween, y’all! I’ve been drinking some witches brew (apple cider mixed with spiced rum) for the past several hours, so this post is going to be a lot shorter than my usual “the day after” articles. Episode three of American Horror Story: Asylum is in the books and holy shit! What the h*ck did everybody think? They finally showed Dr. Arden’s creatures in the woods!

The beginning opened with a pretty excellent sequence that (hopefully) wrapped up the Adam Levine saga. It looks pretty grim for AL and his lady (Levine gets stabbed a ton by Bloody Face), but just when it looks like BF is going to finish off the girl, Levine jumps up and stabs Bloody Face! Levine and his lady escape, only to run into… two more Bloody Faces? One of the Bloody Face imposters pulls out a gun and that’s it for Adam Levine (maybe?) and his girl. It seems like the first Bloody Face was in a group with the second two, and it looks like they just sort of roam the abandoned building waiting for people to scare/stab?

The two imposters take of their masks, make a comment about their now dead comrade, and then notice something unusual. Um… Adam Levine got his fucking arm ripped off. Who did that? Just then, ANOTHER Bloody Face comes out of nowhere and it looks like this might be the real maniac killer? Run!

Then we dive right in to the episode. I’m going to do a random summary, nothing is going to be in order because I’m drunk and I want to drink more and watch the rest of Halloween. Sister Jude receives a copy of a newspaper, detailing a missing person case- the missing person is the GOD DAMN GIRL SHE KILLED when she hit her while driving drunk. Last in the episode, she gets wasted (the newspaper literally drove her to drink) and receives a phone call from the apparently dead girl. Tate, the reporter, Grace, and the nympho try and escape again during a crazy storm- the patients are forced to watch a movie (funny enough, it’s a period piece and Romans are killing Christians, and the now possessed young nun -Sister Mary Eunice- is fucking ALL about killing Christians) and end up sneaking out during the flick.

Arden beings to rebuild the computer chip that he took out of Tate’s neck (apparently it broke? I don’t remember that part…) and he’s convinced that the chip was planted in T-bone by the government/Jews/Russians to spy on him and his work. From his rant, it seems like this dude might be an ex-Nazi, and the promo for next weeks episode kind of solidified that theory (mother fuckers were dressed in SS uniforms, yo).

ALIENS! There’s a crazy fucking cut scene and Tate (I think) get’s touched by this bizarre alien creature INSIDE the asylum. The young nun fucking murders a patient and dumps her body outside where the strange creatures her and Arden have been taking care of are kept. During the Tate/Grace/Reporter escape, the actually manage to make it to the tunnel system and get outside… but run right in to the creatures outside. I think my suspicions are confirmed as to what these monsters actually are- dead patients that Arden has re-animated; they’re basically zombies, but have supernatural powers.

During the escape, the nympho hits on Arden, who knocks her the fuck out! The episode ends with Arden telling the nympho about how she’s a whore and can’t be trusted, so he had to “clip her wings.” He pulls back a blanket that was covering her and GUESS THE FUCK WHAT!? Her legs are gone! (I %100 called this before the big reveal- this show rules but sometimes you just know what’s coming).

Next week looks pretty fantastic. I’m very interested in seeing where the Arden/legless nympho saga turns to (was it all a dream by the nympho?). Sister Jude is drunk, so is she going to continue drinking or is she going to face her murderous DWI head on? What’s up with the zombies? What’s up with the ALIENS!? Are we going to get to see the young nun naked? I hope so!

Like this post? Fucking hate it? Let Mike know in the comments section!