posted by @HeyItsKamo

Hey, guys! If you enjoyed the season premiere of American Horror Story: Asylum as much as I did, you couldn’t wait to see what was going to happen in the second episode. Well, that sucker came and went and now we’re kind of left with a “what the actual fuck was that?” taste in our mouth. So much crazy shit happened with character and plot development, I don’t even know what to think. Let’s start at the beginning I guess…

The episode opens just like it finished last week- THAT BOY BLOODY FACE SCARY AS FUCK, BRO! For real, my girlfriend refused to watch the opening scene because that guy looks so damn brutal and creepy. BF chases the girl Adam Levine was banging through an underground tunnel in the now abandoned asylum; he doesn’t run after her or anything, just kind of stalkers her Michael Myers/Jason/Freddy Krueger style, freaking her out real good in the process. She somehow finds her way back to Adam Levine and sort of starts to drag him down the hall towards what we assume is the exit. Suddenly, Bloody Face grabs Levine, forcing the girl to take cover in a cell- then he stabs the shit out of him.

The lesbian teacher from last week is back, talking with some other (lesbians?) women in her apartment. She’s explaining to them exactly what happened and they all show great concern (oh, your girlfriend was committed under false pretenses? You poor thing!). Everyone takes off and the teacher decides to hop in the shower. This part got me amped the fuck up because I genuinely though we were going to get a shower murder scene, Psycho style. Turns out it’s not the case and the teacher gets out, still alive (lame). When she exits the bathroom, she notices a window is open (uh-oh, talk about ominous, y’all!) so she shuts it and when she goes to the next room she notices there is a certain gentleman waiting for her. A man with some very distinguishing features, I must say. RUN BITCH! RUN, IT’S BLOODY FACE!

We stop here for a commercial break and damn does Silent Hill: Revelation 3D look gnarly- I can’t wait to see that flick. The Man with the Iron Fists also looks pretty spectacular as well; Quentin Tarantino directing a Kung Fu movie and mother fucking RZA from Wu Tang has metal arms!?

Anyways, back on the show, some guards come down the main ward and kick everyone out of their cells for a contraband check. The reporters cell (I had to look this chicks name up on Google, I had no idea what it was STILL- the character is called Lana Winters but I’m just going to keep going with “reporter”) gets tossed and it’s revealed that she has been keeping notes about her incarceration- what happens each day, phone calls she’s denied, and so on. Sister Jude takes the notes away, with the reporter trying to seem indifferent by claiming that she doesn’t need them, she has an “excellent memory.” “Oh, we’ll see about that,” responds Sister Jude, who runs straight to Dr. Arden and explains to him that the only therapy for the lesbian reporter is a nice, soothing session of electroshock therapy. I wonder where this is going to go…

CUT TO A SCENE OF THIS REPORTER BROAD GETTING STRAPPED THE FUCK DOWN, YO! Oh boy, here we go! Sister Jude assists the doctor and some of his orderlies and the proceed to shock the reporter into oblivion. She’s fucking completely done.

We move on to the rec room. Tate’s brought in to see Dr. Thredson (Zachary Quinto!), who thinks Tate is completely fucking nuts. He doesn’t believe Tate’s repeated claims that he’s innocent of murdering the women he’s accused of killing, thinking his motive for the murders was his inability to deal with his mixed race marriage. Tate goes on to talk with the doc about the aliens and how his he’s starting to remember things from his abduction- he’s certain that his wife is still alive, while the doctor isn’t so sure and diagnoses him with “acute clinical insanity.” Sorry, T-dog.

the boys are back in town

The young nun and Dr. Arden meet up outside, where she assures him she hasn’t told Sister Jude about the zombies, despite their loud behavior as of late. Then we get some pretty incredible foreshadowing: the doctor makes her (like, fucking demands it) that she have a bite of a candy apple he produces from inside a random bucket. Okay…

Back in the rec room, Tate and Grace talk about a possible escape plan. The reporter, who I’ll remind you just got shocked in the head with lord knows how much electricity, is making more secret notes so she doesn’t forget the things that have been happening to her. Quinto meets up with Jude, reprimanding her about how atrocious the conditions in the asylum are- there’s no kind of therapy in the hospital, “you still use electroshock therapy to treat homosexuality,” this shit is barBARIC! Jude don’t give a fuck though.  Jude meets up with a couple about their son’s recent unusual behavior. Homeboy is a chronic masturbator, he hears voices, he butchers animals, talks in tongues (his father believes he’s possessed). Sidenote: the mother in the scene is totally Jane from Deadwood. Quinto busts into the room, to the extreme disapproval of Jude- she tells ZQ not to wear out his welcome on his first day.

Cut to the unusual son, Jed, and he’s fucking TOTALLY possessed. He talks in  this crazy voice (shout out to the editors who cut this scene, it’s awesome) and it’s clear something needs to be done. Quinto wants to drug him so they can figure out their next course of action, while Sister Jude just wants to give homie an EXORCISM.

Cut to Grace and the reporter in these weird steam baths with hoods over the top so they can’t get out. Grace cuts her way out and frees the reporter and they just sort of walked around naked- there are a lot of butts in this scene, I like it ;). They discuss escaping, and the reporter reveals that she knows about the underground tunnel and how to reach it. Grace agrees to help her, but only if Tate can come along- the reporter refuses to let Tate go, she thinks he’s a murderer and that he belongs in the hospital.

Doctor Arden is walking around, fuck, I don’t know, the kitchen (? which makes this scene all the stranger), where he is cornered by the shaved head nympho and she’s looking to get lucky. He repeatedly denies her advances, even getting a bit physical and tossing her around the place- quick question, why the fuck is she not locked in her cell? This scene is pretty funny, if only for the back story on how the nympho got put in to the asylum. She slept around a lot, but finally settled down- she couldn’t handle the monogamy. She was upset that her husband got to run around town sleeping with whoever he wanted, so she took a few Navy guys home (“It was not for me, but for my country”) and her husband came home and caught her. Her husband had her committed for cheating on him, despite the fact that he cheated on her constantly. Ahh, the 1960s… twas a simpler time it twas.

So the family with the possessed kid is talking with Quinto. The head priest from episode one shows up, and we got an exorcism about to go down! Quinto is mad because they’re performing a fucking exorcism and he doesn’t believe in anything that science can’t explaing (he’s a lot like Arden- he is more open and embracing to new ideas and technology). An older priest in a wheel chair rolls up and tells Quinto he wants him to join them because he’s a non-believer and shit’s about to pop OFF.

Everybody is hanging out in the rec room, when the guards bust in and tell everyone to get to bed… we got an exorcism to unleash on this demon possessed kid. Back in a cell, Quinto and the priests are strapping the kid down, while Sister Jude gets kicked the hell out- the demon Jed laughs at her at this point and it was so unexpected that it made me laugh and I’m just laughing along with this crazy guy haha. Okay, so it’s time to do God’s work and everyone is having a time and a half with strapping Jed to the bed because he’s making it buck all around.

Cut to Arden at his house, lighting some candles for a nice romantic dinner. A lady shows up looking all hot to trot, and it turns out she’s a hooker! Wait a minute, doc… what was all that “you’re a dirty whore” talk with the nympho back in the kitchen? The hooker takes a seat and it’s clear that the doc is trying to be demeaning towards her- she denies a glass of wine from him and that’s the final straw. Arden pulls a knife on the lady in a super threatening manner (is there any other way to pull a knife on someone?).

Jed/the demon tells Quinto some real personal shit that I didn’t really catch (this will hopefully be revealed again in a later episode) and then the exorcism is under way. It goes bad for the church men, ending with the old priest getting thrown against the wall by the demons mind powers. The younger priest rushes down stairs to grab Sister Jude to lend the boys a hand by guarding the room while they look at the older priests wounds. Jed convinces Jude that he is  hurt, so she rushes in an then we get the Awesome Flash Back of the Episode. Jed/the demon calls her out, saying he knows she used to be a huge whore (she sucked 53 dicks!)- cut to back in the day to a somewhat younger Sister Jude, singing in a bar and hitting on tons of military dudes. She gets denied by one of them, and then she gets wasted- on her drive home, she totally destroys a girl on a bike and then takes off. Jed is just tormenting everyone at this point, causing Jude to slap the fuck out of him. Finally, Quinto gives him a shot, causing all the lights in the asylum to go out. Then… ALL THE CELL DOORS OPEN UP! Oh dip, it’s time to escape, reporter bitch! Grace and the reporter see their chance and book it down the hall, where they run in to Tate.

Grace, the reporter, and Tate all try and escape, but the reporter refuses to let Tate go with them. Risking her own freedom, she screams for the guards to come, who do and then proceed to fuck Tate up pretty fierce. We can see from her expression that the reporter is ashamed, but she believes she had to do it because he is a murderer.

Back to the possessed dude! He’s going ape shit, violently spasming all over the bitch until he finally dies…. but not before puking the demon up right in to the young nuns mouth! No one seems to notice this happen, they just see her faint in to the hallway.

I’m way too possessed to burn from sunrays

Arden checks on his hooker, who’s now dressed like a fucking nun (she’s blonde, too, soo… he’s trying to replicate the young nun possibly?). She’s finishing up getting the costume ready, and notices a strange black box on the dresser. Knowing she shouldn’t do it but doing it anyway, she opens the box and finds pictures of girls all tied up and shit and then mutilated/dead. He’s acting really creepy (more so than usual, I guess) and finally rushes into the room. He notices that she found the pictures -they’re fucking spilled everywhere- so he does the only logical thing- he threatens the h*ck out of her and forces her on to the bed; she tries to escape but he just throws her right back. In a last ditch effort, she bites him and punches his dick, allowing her to book it the fuck out of there.

This whole scene with Arden showed a lot. He’s a doctor, a trusted position in society, but a total deviant and possible murder. He wouldn’t fuck the nympho patient, calling her a whore, but he goes ahead and hires a hooker, who he threatened and tried to rape (yes, you can rape a hooker even if you already paid them) and who knows what would have happened if she didn’t escape. It goes against everything we’ve seen in the interactions between the young nun and him (safe for the apple scene from earlier)- he’s almost tender with her, so it’s interesting that he has this really violent dark side. Although a guy that presumably created zombies monsters out of mental hospital patients clearly has a few screws loose.

Back to the hospital, the parents are notified that their possessed kid is fucking dead. Sorrryyyy. Arden visits the young nun in the hospital ward, where she asks about the monsters, but he dodges the question. Are we about to have demon possessed zombies on  our hands? I fucking think so! She’s going to at least let the loose in the asylum, right?

The episode ends with Sister Jude and the reporter having a conversation in Jude’s office. The sister is commending the reporter for preventing the escape of Tate and Grace and says she’s going to reward her- little does she know that Tate and Grace are on the other side of the door, about to get fucked. UP. She brings in the pair of would-be escapees and tells the reporter that she gets to pick the cane that they’re going to be whipped with. The duo assume the bent over position (look, more butts!), but stops the sister just before she’s about to start whipping- he wants her to leave Grace out of it, he was the one that tried to escape and deserves the punishment. He gets 40 canes to the butt for his trouble and we’ll see ya next week, y’all!

The exorcism was the main focus of this episode and also helped reveal some back story about Qunito’s character and Sister Jude as well. Quinto was introduced and I really like his “all of you people are fucking crazy” attitude- he could get the Sister and everyone else in the asylum in some serious shit if he spilled the beans to the police. We saw how fucking nuts Dr. Arden is- does he torture and murder women? I hope the writers continue with this story line, because it’s going to reveal a lot more about the doctors deviance. I can’t wait to see what happens next with the now possessed young nun, plus the weird creatures she and Arden have been looking after.

See ya next week!

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